I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
