I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
