Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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