Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
