one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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