Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
