hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
