it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i drank out of a bidet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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