I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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