what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my being single is dangerous.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
