I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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