i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
