at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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