i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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