you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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