I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
