Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
