I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
