the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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