Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
that's an acceptable place to lick
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
