He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
