Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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