Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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