If i come over, it means nothing
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
