we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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