I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
