Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
