Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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