My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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