dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
