Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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