Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
