and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this just has baby written all over it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
