I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
