I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
