Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize