Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
