i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
