I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
