sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize