my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
