jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
