that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
