I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
