I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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