you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
