one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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