Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize