well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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