I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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