if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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