oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
