A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
