In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
