Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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