In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
