If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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