do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
