Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
