Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
