are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
