I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
