we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
