I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
