When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
