They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
