i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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