the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
