I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
