so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
