the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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