How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
