Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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