Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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