when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
