watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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