I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
