I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
