we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
