so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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