i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
